Ring Ring!
by TwilightVamp21
Summary: Just some funny phone calls between the Twilight characters. please dont ahte me but I kind of stole this idea from another user but I'm not copying ANYTHING I swear!
1. Chapter 1

Ring…Ring…Ring…RING!!

"Hello?"

"Hello?"

"Who is this?"

"Who is this?"

"Jacob?"

"…"

"Jacob what the hell do you want?"

"How'd ya know it was me?!"

"Lucky guess."

"Woah, you must be really lucky then!"

"Jacob, you are utterly absurd."

"Wha?"

"Idiot."

"That's not nice!!"

"Your face isn't nice."

"…"

"Goodbye."

"No, wait!"

"What!?"

"Knock knock."

"Ugh, Jacob I don't have time for these childish games!"

"I said: knock knock!!"

*Sigh* "Okay, who's there?"

"ME!"

"Me, who?"

"No, it's just me…"

"Dammit, Jacob who's at the fucking door?"

"Uhh…me?"

"Jacob, I'm on the phone with you. So, who in the _hell_ is at my door?"

"Me, retard!"

"Me, who? Who is this 'Me' person, I demand to know!!"

*Sighs heavily* "God, your stupid!"

"I am not! Now, I demand to know who is at my door, Jacob Black!"

"I give up. Open your door and find out, retard!"

"Jacob there's no one there. Why would you lie to me!?"

"…"

(_Bella_) _Who lied to you?_

_(Edward) Jacob! He said 'Knock knock' and I said 'Who's there' he said 'me' and when I opened the door no one was there._

"You retard!!"

_(Bella) Uh, Edward, it's called a knock knock joke…_

_(Edward) Yes, but he lied to me, love!_

"Uh huh…right…"

BEEP.

_(Edward) And now he hung up on me!!_

_(Bella)_ *shakes head*_ Maybe Jacob_ is_ the smart one…_

_(Bella and Edward in unison) Nah._


	2. Chapter 2

Ring….Ring…Ring…

"Alice?"

"Hey Jazzy!"

"Uh, Alice…I'm a little…er, busy right now…"

*BOOM!*

"Jasper, what was that?"

"Uh…nothing…"

_(Emmett) Damn, I thought you said her car wasn't explosive!_

"WHAT!?"

"It's nothing, don't worry!"

_(Jasper) Quick, go get another one! And _this time_ don't blow it up!_

"Jasper I am going to make you pay, I swear it!"

"Alice, please, calm down and-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!"

*BOOM!*

_(Emmett) Umm…Jasper? Do you think we could find a replica of Alice's room and all her clothes and irreplaceable items?_

_(Jasper) Oh shit!_

"That's it!"

BEEP

_(Emmett) What do you think she's ganna…_

_*_Alice growls, entering through the window*

_(Jasper and Emmett) OH SHIT!!_

_(Emmett) Run!!!_

_(Esme) What's going on?_

_(Alice) I'll kill you, Jasper!!_

_(Esme) Oh, dear._

_*_Emmett And Jasper are chased into Edward and Bella's room*

*Both are shocked when they come barging in*

_(Edward) What the hell!?_

_(Bella) Umm, we're kinda busy!!_

_(Jasper) Oh my god! *Covers eyes* I _hate_ you _SO_ immensely much right now, Emmett!_

_(Bella) Get _OUT!

_(Alice) Hold still, so I can kill you!!!_

_(Emmett) I don't wanna die!!_

_(Jasper while running) Wait…Emmett didn't you say you had 10 other bombs hidden and on a timer?_

_(Emmett) Yeah, but only one was on a timer set for 3 minutes. What's your- Ohhh!_

_(Jasper) where exactly did you hide them?_

_(Emmett) One in Rose's car, four in various places in the house, 1 on Jacob's doorstep_ *Both laugh*_ Uh…I think there were…3 in Edwards's room, but they'll be fine._

_(Jasper, warily) And the last one was the one set for 3 minutes, right?_

_(Emmett) What last one? I only hid…Oh. Holy. Shit._

_(Jasper) Please tell me you didn't hide it in-_

_*BOOM!!!!!!!!!!*_

_(Edward) My car!!! JASPER! EMMETT!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!_

_(Jasper, Emmett, Bella, Alice, and Esme) OHHHHH SHITTT!_


	3. Chapter 3

Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…_Ring…RING…_DAMMIT I SAID: RING!!!

"Hello?"

"Hi Bella!"

"Alice?"

"Yes. Now, where do you keep your flame thrower hidden?"

"_Why!?"_

"Oh, no reason."

_(Emmett) We're sorry! Please, let us go!!!_

_(Alice) NO! You destroyed my clothes and blew up my car!!! You are_ _going to_ pay!!

_(Jasper) Then just take my credit card, Alice, just don't hurt me!!_

_(Alice) I am going to make you both wish you were dead!!_

"Interesting choice of words, Alice."

"Oh, they know what I mean."

_(Emmett) Bella! Bella, please help us!!_

"Screw you, Emmett! This is for all the times you laughed at me when I fell down and all the jokes about my sex life!"

*All begin to laugh*

_(Jasper and Emmett in unison) What sex life!? *_More laughing*

_(Edward) Found the chainsaw!_

_*_Jasper and Emmett scream*

_(Emmett) I take it back, Bella, all of it, just don't let them hurt me!!_

_(Jasper) Hey, Em?_

_(Emmett) Yeah?_

_(Jasper) Did you ever disable those other bombs??_

_(Emmett) Yeah I-…awww shit…_

_*_KA-BOOM*

_(Rosalie) My CAR!!!!! EMMETT!!!!_

_*_Chainsaw noises*

_(Emmett) AHHHHHHH!!! ROSIE, DON'T!!!_

*KA-BOOM!!*

_(Jacob, from a LONGGG ways away) MY HOUSE!!! EMMETT!!!_

_*_Fire burns Emmett from the flame thrower*

_*_KA-BLAM!! BOOM!! BAM!*

_(Edward) MY ROOM!!!_

_*_Comes at Emmett with a sledge hammer*

_(Emmett) OW! Stop it! OWW, STOP! AHHH! STOP IT! OOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!_

_(Jasper) Hahaha!! That's what you get, Emmett! Wha, ow! Ahh, Bella help! Ow stop that it hurts! OUCH!_

"Riiiight…"

BEEP


	4. Chapter 4

**Please read first!!**

**I just want to thank everyone that has reviewed, favorited, or took time out of their day to read this. I can't believe the response to this story. In less than an hour I have more subscribers than I have on **

**Again, thanks so much. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to all my fans ^ ^**

Ring…Ring…Ri-

"Hello?"

"Hey, Rosie.

"I'm not speaking to you."

"C'mon, Rose, I said I was sorry!"

"Emmett you blew up my car!"

"Yes, and then I said I was sorry! Baby, please forgive me!!"

"…"

"Rose?…"

"I'm deciding whether to forgive you or not."

"…"

"Hmmm."

"Ugh! The suspense is killing me!"

_(Edward) Who's killing you? I want to help!_

_(Jasper) Ugh, if they kill you, don't drag me down with you this time._

_(Emmett) Nobody is killing anyone, jeez!_

_(Bella) Who is going to kill Emmett?_

_(Edward, Jasper, and Emmett in unison) Nobody._

_(Bella) Awww._

"Okay, Emmett, I've decided."

*Emmett growls seductively*

"What was that all about?"

"Uh…nothing."

_(Unidentified girl) Well, hello there. My name's Jessica. And you are?_

_(Emmett) Name's Emmett. And you must be the girl of my dreams._

_(Bella) Lame._

_(Jessica) *giggles* Do you dream of me often?_

_(Emmett)Oh, yes I do. Would you like to hear about them?_

_(Jessica) Sure._

"Uh! Emmett! Remember me? Your _wife!?!_

"Gatta go, Rosie."

"But Em-"

BEEP

_(Rosalie) Emmett McCarthy Cullen is going to _pay!!

_(Alice) Oh, yes, he is._

_(Rosalie, looking confused) When did you get here?_

_(Alice) I have no idea. The author put me here, I have no control over this story!_

_(Author) Shut up, Alice!! Dammit now they know!!_

_(Rosalie) Where the hell are we anyway?_

_(Author) I believe this is the same restaurant Edward took Bella after he saved her from being gang-raped._

_(Alice)…Jeez, when you put it that way it sounds…weird?_

_(Rosalie) So she was going to get raped!! Oh, okay! I thought they were, like going to kill her, or something._

_(Alice)…wow your so stupid Rose._

_(Author) I agree._

_(Alice) Hey, I thought this story was supposed to be about funny phone calls, not talking to the author._

_(Rosalie) Can I go now? I need to plot against Emmett._

_(Author) Sure thing, Rose._

_(Alice) Umm…does that go for me as well?_

_(Author) Yeah. Talk to you guys later._

_(Rosalie) That chick scares me…she can, like, make us do whatever she wants._

_(Alice) No kidding. Hey, by the way, could you and Emmett kind of…keep it down tonight? It's _really_ hard to concentrate with all that…er, noise._

_(Rosalie) I told him to shut up and just slow down but, you know Emmett. _

_(Alice) Eww! Mental images!!_

_Ring…Ring._

_(Rosalie) It's Emmett._

_*_Rosalie ignores call and listens to voice mail*

_(Voicemail) Um, Rosie, I know your still mad but…I'm kind of…in a steel cage at the moment. _

_(Jessica in background) Put that away!! Your in my prison now *giggles*_

_(Emmett) Rose please, help me!! Ow!! Ouch that pole doesn't go there! Ah! Rosie, please, I'm begging you!! AH! OW OW OW!!_

_(End of voicemail)_

_(Alice)…_

_(Rosalie) Oh yeah, he's so dead._


	5. Chapter 5

Ring…Ring…

"Yes, Jacob?"

"What, your not happy to hear from me, Edward?"

"Jacob, whenever I have the slightest idea that your 20 miles away from me I want to rip your throat out and tear you to shreds. So, no, I most certainly am _not_ happy to hear from you, in the least bit."

"Ouch. And here I thought, we were friends."

"Why would I be-friend a idiotic mutt like you?"

"I'm not a mutt…."

"Well then, if you don't mind, I have some business to attend too."

"What are you doing?"

"Ignoring you."

BEEP

_(Jacob) Awww… Oh, I know!!_

*Dialing buttons*

Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…Ringgg…RING_….RING! _RING RING RING RING, dammit just pick up the phone!

"What!?"

"Jeez, Bells, calm down, I just wanted to say hi…"

_(Edward) Bella, hang up the phone, love._

_(Bella) Why? It's just Jacob._

_(Edward) That's exactly it. I don't want his stupidity to rub off on you._

"You know, I can still hear you!"

_(Edward) Exactly…_

BEEP

_(Jacob) Stupid bloodsucking leech!_

Ring…Ring…Ring…

"Leave me alone!"

"But Seth I-"

BEEP

Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…R-

"Hello?"

"Hey, Embry, what's up?"

"Uh…I'm with Claire right now…later Jake."

"But Em-

BEEP

Ring…R-

"Hello?"

"Hi, Alice!"

"Jacob?…Umm, I have to go. Goodbye"

"Ali-"

BEEP

Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…

"Yes?"

"Hiya, Jasper!"

"…"

BEEP

_(Jacob) Dammit why are they all so…meh!_

Ring…Ring…Rin-

"Hey, Emmett, I've been meaning to call you!"

"Uh, this is Jacob."

"Ew! What do you want, dog?"

"Okay first of all: NOT A DOG!! And second of all: Can't we just be friends, Rose?"

"…Your serious?"

"Yeah. We're always fighting and I'm guessing it gets on everyone's nerves.

_(Rosalie) Holy, frick! Did you guys hear that!? He wants to be friends!_

_(Bella, Edward, Renesmee Jasper, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Embry, Quil, Paul and Seth) Jacob!?!?!?_

_(Rosalie) Yes, he just said it!!!_

_(Edward) He's lying._

"No I'm not!"

_(Seth) Woah, he's serious?!?_

"Yes. By the way, what the hell are you guys doing there with the Cullen's?"

_(Paul) Chillin._

_(Seth) And eating this _awesome _food! I didn't know you guys could cook so good!!_

_(Embry) Yeah it's great!_

"Okay, but _why_ are you all there?"

_(All) We're ignoring you!_

BEEP


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors note, please read!**

**Okay before I continue on my story 'Ring Ring' I want say thank you to all the people that have read this story, reviewers, subscribers, etc.**

**I'm sorry that I didn't get to update yesterday I had 2 chapters ready for you guys but now their up and I will continue writing all day.**

**Because I have so many great ideas for this story, I was thinking about putting up a poll to see what you (The Reader) would like to see next. When I get the poll up please (Pleeease) vote!**

**Or, if you have any different ideas, please review this chapter!!**

**I am going to choose three ideas (from my lovely fans) for the next three chapters. So, if you have any ideas, please let me know, I'm sure they'll all be great!!**

**~Grrr I bite~ **


	7. Chapter 7

Ring…Ring…

"Hey Emmett!"

"Oh, hi. Uh, Jasper, do you remember those bombs I hid the other day?"

"Yeah, what about them?"

"Well…I said that I hid ten, remember?"

"Yes. Get to the point Emmett, jeez."

"Okay, so…umm…I said that I had them on timers, right?"

"Yes, now just friggin say it, Emmett!"

"Okay, okay! Well, it turns out, only six of them exploded…"

"Okay…?"

"So, there are still four active bombs in the house, Jasper!!"

"Oh, crap!!"

*KA-BOOM!!!!!!*

"Shit, make that three."

"Oh my god, Emmett, you idiot!!! How could you forget that there are _bombs_ in our _house!?!?!"_

"Well, sorry, but I was busy getting beaten to death by-"

_(Esme) EMMETT!!!!!!!_

"Oh, shit!"

*Chainsaw noises*

_(Emmett) Esme, just wait! there are still three-_

*BOOM!*

_(Emmett) Okay, umm, two bombs inside your house!! We can find them and destroy them or you could kill me and let the bombs destroy your house!_

*KA-BOOM!*

_(Rosalie) My room! My make-up, my clothes, and my- _*GASP* _and my _hairdryer!!! EMMETT MCARTHY CULLEN YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!!

"I know that Bella's already said this but; interesting choice of words, Rose."

"Jasper, I just want to say: since I'm going to die soon…you can have my magazines."

"Oooh, which ones!?!"

"All of them, man. Wait, except the 'Exotic Girls' magazines, I still want those."

"Awww."

_(Emmett) Oh, holy shit!_

"What!?"

"I just got the greatest idea in the history of vampires!!"

"Doubt it, but, what'd you come up with?"

"I am going to buy a new phone…and prank text _everyone_!!"

"…"

BEEP

_(Emmett) Awwww…_

*Chainsaw noises again*

_(Emmett) Oh, shit! Ouch, Esme it doesn't fit in there like that! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_


	8. Chapter 8

_You have 1 new text message._

_(Message) Hi._

_(Edward) Who is this?_

_(Message) Your worst nightmare!! _

_(Edward) Like I haven't heard _that_ one before._

_(Message) I'll bet you have, Edward, I'll bet you have._

_(Edward) How do you know my name?_

_(Message) Uh, I just…do. Grrr!!_

_(Edward) I'm ignoring you know._

_(Message) Awww __L_

*10 minutes later*

_You have 16 new text messages._

_(Message 1) Hello?_

_(Message 2) Hey, hello, aloha!?_

_(Message 3) You can't keep this up forever, you know!_

_(Message 4) Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

_(Message 5) hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

_(Message 6) hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

_(Message 7) h!!!_

_(Message 8) Your mean!!_

_(Message 9) The wheels on the bus go round and round!!_

_(Message 10) Fine, I'll take you precious Volvo! How bout that!? MWAHAHAHA!!_

_(Message 11) There! I pushed it off a cliff! Are you going to talk to me!?_

_(Message 12) Dammit, Edward, talk to me!!!_

_(Message 13) Bum bum bum buhhh bum bum bum buhhh!! Hear comes the bride! Here comes the bride! Twinkle twinkle little star! We wish you a merry Christmas! UH so horny UH UH so-so horny UH so horny, me love you long time XD_

_(Message 14) …_

_(Message 15) You know what!? I'll just take the only thing that matters to you…the only thing that keeps you sane…the only thing that you'd die for!! I will take BELLA!!!_

_(Message 16) Hey, me and Bella are hear chillin. She's tied up at the moment but she wanted me to give you a message: Help me Edward, you're my only hope!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!_

_(Edward) I'm going to find you, you sleazy, scum bag!!_

Rin-

"Hello?"

*Disguised voice* "Hello, Edward."

"Where is she!?"

"Why, she's right here. Bella? It seems Edward would like to speak with you."

*Hits button for speaker phone*

_(Bella) Edward!? Edward, please help!!_

_(Edward) God damn you!! Why are you doing this to me?! I demand to know who you are!!_

_(Bella) Edward, I know who it is!! It's-"_

BEEP

*Slams fist down on cell phone, turning it to dust.*

_(Edward) I have to find this son of a bitch…_


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay before you read the chapter below I'd like to say something to all my readers!!**

**THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!!!**

**And, also, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to: jamstar4eva. Here you go jamstar, hope you enjoy!!**

Ring…Ring…Ring…R-

"Yes, Alice?"

"Get on your computer!!"

"Why?"

"Just do it!! Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!!!"

"Okay, okay, I'm on my computer!!"

"Good. Now look, I added AIM to your desktop. CLICK IT, CLICK IT!!"

"All RIGHT, Alice! Jeez…"

"I'll send you your screen name and password, now!"

"Alice I don't want-"

BEEP

*about 7 seconds later*

_You have 1 new text message_

Name: xXMahSeXXXySilverVolvoXx Pass: BellaC.

Rin-

"I don't want to chat on AIM, Alice!"

"Yes, you do, Edward! Now, if your not on in the next 5 seconds I swear to you-"

*Flips phone shut*

_(Edward) *Sighs*_

_xXMahSeXXXySilverVolvoXx Signed on._

BellaCullen&TheVamps: Alice, why are we all on here?

MissPerfection: Who cares, I love my screen name! It's so…ME!!

12Graceful-Yet-Lethal21: I've gotten you all on here because we have a problem!

YourHuggleBear13: This better be good!! Besides, this screen name sux!!

12Graceful-Yet-Lethal21:Shut up, Emmett, that name is perfect for you.

YourHuggleBear13: I'm picking my name next time…

12Graceful-Yet-Lethal21:Ugh, the screen names change every day, anyways, so pipe down. Okay, Jacob…has gone suicidal…

BellaCullen&TheVamps: :O OME…

xXMahSeXXXySilverVolvoXx: OME?

Help-Me-I'm-In-Pain: It means Oh My Edward, gosh, get it together!

MissPerfection: Uh! I'm insulted! How come no one says OMR? I'm way more important!

YourHuggleBear13: Aww, Rosie, I'll say OMR.

MissPerfection: :)

YourHuggleBear13: Oh yeah, Smiley faces are sexy :)

MissPerfection: :)

Your HuggleBear13: I'll see you in a minute :)

_MissPerfection signed off_

_YourHuggleBear13 signed off_

12Graceful-Yet-Lethal21: *shivers* it's times like this I wish I couldn't see the future!!

Help-Me-I'm-In-Pain: Or monitor emotions *cringes*

xXMahSeXXXySilverVolvoXx: Or hear thoughts *screams in agony*

BellaCullen&TheVamps: I'm actually glad I didn't get nay cool powers, now…

12Graceful-Yet-Lethal21: So, no one cares that Jacob is going to _kill himself!?_

BellaCullen&TheVamps: Eh, he'll get over it. Just like he got over it after he made me feel guilty enough to kiss him when Victoria unleashed the army of newborn vampires *gags* **(Eclipse ^^)**

12Graceful-Yet-Lethal21: …

_xXMahSeXXXySilverVolvoXx signed off…_

CLICK


	10. Chapter 10

**OH MY EDWARD thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews!!**

**This chapter is dedicated to 'Tara-Cullen' : she named off 7 OMG names for the Cullen's**

**And this is ALSO dedicated to '****You-won't-see-an-iguana-here' : who left 6 comments in a row!! Enjoy girls/boys, vampires/werewolf's, team Edward's/team Jacob's, and fans/haters XD**

Ring…Ring…Ring

"Black residence, can I help you?"

"Your dead, mutt! You fucking retarded imbecile!"

"Excuse me!?"

_(Edward) Oh shit, it's Billy. What do I do!?_

_(Jasper) I don't know, disguise your voice?_

"Umm, yes this is, uh, Mike! Mike Newton!

_(Jasper) *slaps hand on forehead* idiot…_

"Oh, hello, Mike, what can I do for you?"

"Uh, is Jacob home?"

"Why, yes, he is. Can you please hold for one minute?"

"Yes, sir."

_(Billy) Jacob you lazy bum, get your ass down here! _

_(Jacob, groggily) Who is it?_

_(Billy) Some fucking retard named Mike, just take the damn phone, ass hole._

"What?"

"Your dead, mutt! You fucking retarded imbecile!"

"Edward? What the hell did I do?"

"You took Bella hostage, now give her back!"

"What I- ohhhhh. I know who took her."

"Really!? WHO!?"

"Oh it was just E-"

_(Disguised voice) *puts knife to Jacobs throat* Say another word and your _dead_._

"Jacob! Jacob, please, just tell me!"

"Do you _want _me to die!?!"

"I wouldn't mind it… now, tell me!!!"

BEEP

_I~Want~My~Baby~Back1901 signed on_

_WatchMeDance01 signed on_

_2Sexxxy4YouBoi073 signed on_

_Boom-Goes-The-Grizzly signed on_

_All_Hale_Jasper123 signed on_

_NOTaDOG signed on_

I~Want~My~Baby~Back1901: Okay first order of business…

NOTaDOG: Why do you only get us on AIM to discuss business? Can't we just share our feelings?

All_Hale_Jasper123 : The sad thing is, Jacob, I've already shared your feelings….and every one else's : ( do you know how awful it is, to have to be around Jacob when he's depressed, or Rosalie, when she's so self-absorbed, or, even worse, Edward when he is away from Bella? This is a mad house, I can't take it anymore!!

WatchMeDance01: Jazzy, don't get upset. We can go shopping, and talk about clothes, and try on clothes, and buy clothes with that shiny black credit card of yours :D

All_Hale_Jasper123: Why is it always, shopping, or make-up, and money with you, Alice? Can't we just sit down and talk, for once? Or go to…to the park!? I've never even gotten laid!! Why don't we just do it, already!? I think you just use me, sometimes!

2Sexxxy4YouBoi073:…

I~Want~My~Baby~Back1901: :O ………………

Boom-Goes-The-Grizzly :…for once I actually have nothing funny to say, on the subject of someone else's sex life…

WatchMeDance01: * _ *

NOTaDOG: So, anyway, I'm going to off myself on Saturday, any ideas on how I should do it?

WatchMeDance01: * _ *

2Sexxxy4YouBoi073: …

I~Want~My~Baby~Back1901: …

Boom-Goes-The-Grizzly : .…

_All_Hale_Jasper123 signed off_

_WatchMeDance01 signed off_

_Boom-Goes-The-Grizzly signed off_

_2Sexxxy4YourBoi073 signed off_

_I~Want~My~Baby~Back1901 signed off_

NOTaDOG: … : (

CLICK


	11. Chapter 11

**I AM SOOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!!! No…not just SOOOO sorry I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry!!! I've been meaning to update but I've been working on a last minute project for school. PLEEEEASE don't hate me : (**

**This is dedicated to all of my fans (warning: there may be extremely XXX material in here. Please, if you are against my writing sexual content like this (below) let me know and I will try my nest to revise and edit)**

**Again, I'm SOO sorry for waiting this long, PLEASEEEEEE review (IN THE NAME OF EMMETT MCARTY CULLEN!) PLEASE!**

_**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901 signed on**_

_**Saw~It~B4~You000 signed on.**_

_**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35 signed on**_

_**Emmett**Is**Mah**Bitch signed on**___

_**IfEElYoUrPaIn signed on**_

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901**: ALICE, CAN'T YOU 'SEE' WHERE BELLA IS!? I'M DESPERATE!!

**Saw~It~B4~You000**: Sorry, I was paid not to tell you anything I 'see' so… =)

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901**: Whatever they paid you, I'll double it, please Alice! -sobs-

**Saw~It~B4~You000**: =( well, maybe…

**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35**: No, Alice, you can't give in! That's the problem with you, your too nice. You need to learn to stand up for yourself!!

**IfEElYoUrPaIn**: Emmett, your unusually edgy today, somethings up…

**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35: **What are you talking about, Jasper I'm perfectly fine =D

**IfEElYoUrPaIn: **Your nervous, anxious, and afraid…you call that okay?

**Emmett**Is**Mah**Bitch**: Can we talk about something more important, like, I dunno…Me?

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901: **Jasper, please, talk to Alice for me. I want Bella back!! D=

**IfEElYoUrPaIn: **Alright, I'll be back…=/

_**IfEElYoUrPaIn is away **_**"If I'm not here your either in a bad mood or I am…"**

**Saw~It~B4~You000: I guess I'll be back as well. Brb…**

_**Saw~It~B4~You000 is away **_**"No, that's not a good idea, I just saw it, so, don't do whatever your about to do!!"**

***about 9 hours later…***

_**IfEElYoUrPaIn is back. **_**"Okay, I'm back, just…leave, okay? Just leave…"**

**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35: **God, that took for frickin ever!! What'd you do!?

**IfEElYoUrPaIn: **I don't know Emmett….I don't know…I remember I was standing there….and then Alice pushed me back onto the floor…I saw she was absolutely overflowing with Lust…she took her clothes off and did the same with mine…and then… -shivers- …I don't even know what the hell we were doing!!!!!

**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35: **-laughs hysterically- it's called 'YOU JUST GOT LAID, DUDE'!!!

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901: **-laughs with Emmett- how did you NOT know what was going on!?!

**IfEElYoUrPaIn**: …….really? OH MY GOD! ALICE, WE HAVE TO DO THAT AGAIN!!!

_**IfEElYoUrPaIn signed off**_

**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35: **So, what just happened? We were waiting for him to talk to Alice about something…puppies?

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901**: yeah, yeah, that's gotta be it. C'mon, let's go before they start-

***Noises in background that sounds like…moaning***

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901: **AHHHH!

**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35: **HOLY SHIT, DUDE!! GO, JAZZ!!

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901: **AHHHH!

**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35: **WOOOOOOO!!!

**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901: **AHHHHHHH!

_**I-Want-My-Baby-Back1901 signed off**_

_**StayOuttaMyHeadEd35 signed off**_

**Emmett**Is**Mah**Bitch: **but…but…what about…me? =(

**CLICK!!**

**MWAHAHAHAHAHA THE MYSTERY OF BELLA'S DISAPPEARANCE STILL REMAINS!!!**

**Please review if you want to get a BIGGGG hug from the big, cuddly grizzly, Emmett, himself =D**

**BTW, in the last chapter (I think) Jasper says he's never gotten laid,(excuse the use of the word 'laid') right? Well, in this chapter, he's completely clueless. Sorry, but I thought I'd be funny to have Jasper flip the fuck out when he had no idea what Alice was doing. Hahahahahaha!!!**

**Ah, I love my job…it's so easy. **

**~Grr I bite!!!~**


	12. Chapter 12

**Oh, god, I have to stop doing this every time I get a nice message or something but…**

**This chapter in my story goes out to 'the-bella-swan', she sent me a nice message saying how I inspired her to write her own story -cries tears of joy- thank you so much 'the-bella-swan' good luck with all your writing and please update soon, your story is great and I loved every word of it.**

Ri-

"Hello, Bella, is that you!?"

"Hello, Edward, how are you this fine morning?"

(_Bella) Edward, help me!!!_

"Where is she, you sick bastard!!"

"Well, because your in such a nice mood, I'll give you a hint and there will be a new hint every day, to clue you in on Bella's location." *Laughs manically*

"This is all a game to you isn't it?" *Edward breaks down, falling to his knees, dry-sobbing*

"Now, now, Edward, don't fret. It will be a fairly easy challenge, I promise." *Laughs again, this time, softly*

"What's my damn clue!?"

"Hahaha, it will come to you very soon. Just keep your eyes open and don't blink, you never know what you might miss…" *Laughs once more before he hangs up*

BEEP.

_(Edward) *jumps on the computer and nearly breaks the keyboard logging into AIM* C'mon Alice, you better be on…_

**-On AIM- (Still Edward's POV)**

**Your friends currently online:**

**All_Hale_Jasper111 (Jasper, well, DUH)**

**InTheForestEd_Clue1 (Emmett, of course)**

**~SOcLoSeToPeRfEcT~ (Rosalie, no doubt)**

**Taking~Control~Jazz000 (Alice, who else?)**

**005 (Jacob, how sad…)**

*Edward joins everyone in group chat*

**All_Hale_Jasper111: **What, _your_ taking control!? The only thing your taking over-

**Taking~Control~Jazz000: **Oh, and you think your all the sudden Mr. Dominantbecause you got laid?!? Your so…so…Ugh, your so immature and stupid sometimes, Jasper!!

**Searching-For-Answers123: **Wait, wait, stop! If you two want to settle this out, do it your own time, get out of here before I _make_ you get out!!!

**All_Hale_Jasper111 : **…

**Taking~Control~Jazz000: **…

**InTheForestEd_Clue1: **Well, since your in such a nice mood…

**Searching-For-Answers123: **What did you just say?…

**InTheForestEd_Clue1: **Isn't it obvious, Ed? Clue 1: In the Forest…

_**InTheForestEd_Clue1 signed off.**_

**~SOcLoSeToPeRfEcT: **What's up with him?

**Taking~Control~Jazz000 : **-Shrugs-

**Searching-For-Answers123: **… I-I have to…go.

_**Searching-For-Answers123 signed off.**_

**005: **Okay, people, 5 more days until my big exit, still no ideas how I should…you know?

**Taking~Control~Jazz000: **Jasper, I need to speak with you…_now._

**All_Hale_Jasper111 : **O-o-okay, A-Alice… -shakes with fear-

_**Taking~Control~Jazz000 signed off.**_

_**All_Hale_Jasper111 signed off. **_

**~SOcLoSeToPeRfEcT~ : So, Jacob, wanna talk about me?**

**005: : (**

_**005 signed off.**_

**~SOcLoSeToPeRfEcT~: Ughhh!**

**CLICK…**

**Ahahahahahahahaha I LOVED writing this chapter, the fight between Aice and Jasper was HI-LAR-I-UOS!!!**

**Pleeeeease review, I love all of your wonderful comments ^^**

**~Grr, I bite!!~**


	13. MAY BE END OF Ring Ring!

**PEOPLE, IF YOU CLICK THE X BUTTON AND CLOSE OUT OF THIS, YOU WILL MISS VERRRRY IMPORTANT IMFORMATION, SO PLEASE LISTEN!!! (er, read)**

**Dear Readers,**

**I, the author of Ring Ring (all legal rights go to Stephenie Meyer) will no longer be writing this wonderful story. I am truly and deeply sorry to anyone who's read this but I hardly get reviews on any of my stories (ANY of them) that I feel disouraged. I feel, as though, no one really likes my writing.**

**Though I will be writing a last chapter for Ring Ring, to conclude and solve all mysteries that have occured in recent chapters, there IS a way to keep this stoy going.**

**Please, I need help, I need encouagment. I need more reviews, and I need you all to read my new story "What Once Was, Is No More" PLEASE!!!**

**If I can get 5 reviews on this Author's note, I will write another chapter after the 13th chapter. And If I get more reviews on the 14th chapter, I will continue the story. I just need to know that I'm not the only one that likes my writing...please?**

**Thank you all,**

**~Grrr I Bite!!~**


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